Mom, I Don't Feel So Good..

Buying a house is hard. Apparently no one wants our money. It is also an emotional roller coaster. (Don't stop reading this just because I said "emotional roller coaster." I will not talk about boys, that time of the month, or a girls night out.)

High: We found a house!

Low: Urgh, it's out of a price range.

Middley Bit: Let us lowball them, shall we??

Low: They refused our offer.

High: They counteroffered and the bank says we can afford it!

Another High: The house is perfectly sound; the inspection came back excellent!

More High: The seller fixed everything we asked and then some!

And More High (In hindsight, this should have been about the time we would expect the big fall. Alas, we did not.): We found a lender that will make our mortgage payment even MORE affordable than we first thought!

The Part Where the First Cart Goes Down and You're Sitting Blissfully Unawares in the Back: Let us buy a fridge and a pup because we have a home! Oh yay, for us, we're so happy, yada, yada, yada.

Continuing: Excellent, the first appraisal came back at just what we were anticipating.

LOW: The second appraisal has come back. It's too low. The seller won't sell. Also, the seller is no longer accepting first time home buyers.

Crap. This is the part when the roller coaster breaks and we all tumble out and maim ourselves on metal bits. Then families sue the theme park and everyone gets caught up in a legal battle that lasts for years. YEARS.

High(After the aforementioned legal battles): Let's try for a conventional loan!

Low: "What a wonderful idea Mr. and Mrs., if we could just have 20% down, we will just move this right along." Cricket, cricket...

High: The realtor has found us someone who can do a conventional loan with only 5% down!

Low: The realization that this person might belong to the mob, and if we don't pay them back, they will throw us off the Hoover Dam with our feet in concrete creeps into my noggin. Cue horrible daydreams imaginging what the modern mob does to people who don't pay them back. Do they still do the old school stuff or is that so played out they have had to think new things to do? Where do they get their modern ideas? Is there a mob pinterest where they go to for inspiration?

High: This person owns an actual business with a suite number and everything!(Although this proves nothing. I am still suspicious.)

Low: We apparently don't have enough credit cards open. We need more debt to prove our responsibility.

High: Excellent, the debt we have will suffice. The mysterious man says yes to our request of a home loan. We sign papers.

Now we're in the dark part of the roller coaster where we have no idea what is going to happen next. We could go up, we could go down, we could go shooting off the track due to some fool not bothering to finish the coaster.(How metaphorical and deep is all this??)So in the meantime, I will puke up my the giant pretzel and cotton candy that I had in the theme park just before I got on the ride (ok, metaphor is waning..) and continue coasting. With my new fridge. And puppy. Both of which are nontreturnable. But house-trained, finally. The puppy, not the fridge. The fridge is still learning.