21st Century Mountain Woman

As I was driving around lost today (again), I realized I depend on the sun a LOT in this town.



Everyone always says "East" or "West" instead of the normal RIGHT or LEFT. When they say RIGHT or LEFT, all I have to do is hold up my hands in an "L" shape, and I know exactly which way to go. (I just said that for comedic purposes. I don't hold my hands up. Maybe.) When they say "East" or "West," I have to summon my non-existent powers of expedition and figure out which way to travel. Like I didn't just travel past a 21st century gas station. This is why I have depended on the sun for most of my time here in the desert. (It's out EVERYDAY, and if I have to move somewhere where there is no sun all the time, I will be forever lost.) I look at the clock, then look at the sky, then attempt to figure out if it's going up or going down, then figure out from there which way is east and which way is west. (I am slightly biased against East. I am not entirely sure why. I just don't trust it. West just seems friendlier. I am an Eastist. Westist? Direction-ist?? Whatever, I just don't like East.)



erm.. pardon? this is a compass?? no wonder we use a gps. this is flabbergasting.



Also, I have to use landmarks. And I don't mean, "Oh, we passed that restaurant coming here, so we must be going the right way," I mean legitimate LANDmarks. As in there are mountains surrounding the valley that I have gotten to know in order to find my way home. (It helps that Las Vegas and the greater surrounding area is completely flat. You can see everything.) I can identify where I am around the city based on the mountains that I see. Our house is near a mountain, and I know what all the other mountain ranges look like east, west, south, and north of my mountain. (Yes, I call it my mountain. No, I do not actually think it is my mountain. What's wrong with you?) Aren't you proud that I didn't say I know all the ranges left, right, down and up of my mountain, early pioneers? I have come along way. But not that long of a way, because frankly, I don't like hiking and I hear you hiked a lot.

my mountain.

So. If my GPS ever dies (It's actually dead currently. More like lost. But I am assuming it's dead as it's been gone so long. You can't expect your GPS to be alive after it runs away for 6 months.  Coyotes probably got it. You have to move on. Closure. It's dead, and it's not coming back.) or the world comes to end and cell phones no longer work, I will be prepared. 

I will know exactly how to get to Sambalatte (mmmmm... Samba...) from my house and back again.

If it's sunny.

I titled this sucker 21st century mountain woman just so I could show you this little tidbit. apparently this is what the mountain men wear to attract a mate. (possibly false. I wasn't really paying attention to this presentation.) the man next to me was called "Buffalo Rump." he in no way resembled a bison arse. I decided that my moutain woman name would be "Gordita Supreme."