My New Career

I think I'm a bookie. Not an illegal bet maker, working for shady people and the mob type bookie. More like just taking my parents down a path from which they will never return type bookie.

I had to look up "bookie" on urban dictionary just to ensure I was using the term correctly.  (A shady character that takes illegal bets on horse races, fights, and sports games. Such people are usually robbed regularly as they have large amounts of money.) They even used it in a sentence! ("Oh shit, I went to the bookie but then he got pinched! There goes my bet.") I hope I don't get pinched.

Let me start from the very beginning... (Tinkly noises that denotes a passage of time.)

Two weeks ago, I placed an innocent phone call to my dear father. I asked him if he would like to place a bet on the Seahawks to win. It's his team. They made it to the post-season. Thought he might want to make it exciting. He put $20 down on the Seahawks to win. He ends up winning another $20.

Last week, I was going to call him again to ask if he wants to let it ride. (See how I used bookie talk there? Be prepared to learn new vocabulary words from this post, folks. You're welcome.)

"Hey Dad, want to put your winnings on the Seahawks again?"

"I have been doing some research and listening to podcasts, broadcasts, newscasts, and all the other casts, and researching the point spreads and I want to place a couple bets."

"......Ok. So how much do you want to put down on the Seahawks?"

"Oh no, not betting on the Seahawks. Patriots, minus-4 for $20. Money-line, Falcons, $20." 

"........"

This morning, I get a text message from my mother. I don't even get a call anymore, and NOW the messages are being delivered from mummy dearest.

"Dad's asking for 30 on San Fran to win and 20 on New England to win. Between your alky mom and gambling dad, I wish you luck."

At this point, my dad doesn't even have 50 to bet from his winnings, so we are now loaning him money. (I feel this sounds a bit mobbish.)

"Thanks for the loan. Interest rate at 80%? If we don't pay back, do you start breaking some legs?" (Ok, now it sounds really mobbish.)

"Now I just need you to get me some good hooch." (Cripes, each text message I receive is confirming the mobbish feelings.)

Bets are placed. Money is loaned. Interest rates are in the works. I'll make him an offer he can't refuse.

Don't pinch me.