Mom Lessons

So… I had a baby.

I read the books, I talked to the mommy veterans, I researched the articles… I was "ready."

FALSE. The only thing I was ready for was continuing to dress my belly bump. And even then, it was getting reallllllly hard at about 38 weeks. I wore linen pants everyday. Thank you linen, I owe you.

So, here are the lessons that I have learned in my first 24 days of motherhood that I am telling my past self when she reads my blog. Which she probably won't, that lazy oaf of a woman.

1. BUY THE LINEN PANTS. ALL OF THEM.

2. You will one day dream of the day that 6 hours of sleep was not enough. 6 hours of sleep is absolute heaven. Now shut up, and get to bed.

3. Stop laughing at those commercials that showed parents going on vacations and then just sleeping in their nice, comfy hotel bed. "We will never be that way!" Yes. Yes you will.

4. Your teaching job is very easy compared to this. Stop whining about it.

5. Enjoy the days of wearing regular bras. And clothing that doesn't have old, nasty milk on them. Seriously. This is your life now.

6. Remember when you hated doing laundry on the weekends? Well now you get to do it EVERYDAY. (See Lesson # 5.)

7. You will be late for everything. Whenever you plan on being somewhere, plan to be there 90 minutes early, and then maybe you will only be 30 minutes late. Maybe.

8. Showers are a luxury. That you cannot afford.

9. Hope you stocked up on yoga/workout pants. Hahahahaha, no not for yoga or working out. Silly girl.

And lastly…

10. You know how every parent thinks their kid is the cutest kid ever? And you thought that was laughable? You're one of THEM now. Bwahahaha…

Now:

Dear Future Erin,

Are you getting any sleep yet? Did you end up joining the PTA? Are yoga pants still a wardrobe staple? Does she still let you stick bows on her head that are the size of grapefruits? Are you heeding this bonding advice?

I anxiously await your response. In the meantime…

Laundry.

So. Much. Laundry.