Roadkill

As of today, I have officially killed four (4) animals with my vehicular carriage. FOUR. Each one stands out in my mind as a very clear, very traumatic (and dramatic) event. What follows is their [crappy] obituaries.

Animal #1: Raccoon

Driving along the highway at night. My mother is following me home. (I do not know why. Perhaps I was a wild thing in high school and she followed me everywhere.) THUNK. Proceed to freak out and immediately pulled over. Remembered to turn on my hazards. (Yes, you caught me, I was not a wild thing. I correctly used my hazards and hung out with my mother.) Mom pulled up right behind me. "You hit a 'COON!" (You're imagining my mother in overalls right now aren't you?) I forced her to look under my wheel well as to not burn my virgin roadkill eyes. She says there is nothing. I don't believe her. I still think there is a raccoon spirit living under my right front wheel well.

Animal #2: Bird

WHAT?? you say. Birds ALWAYS fly out of the way! False. Didn't even have time to gasp. Just wondered where all the feathers came from. Found out later about the homicide at the gas station.

Animal 3: Squirrel

Didn't even kill this one fully. Saw squirrel. Stopped. Then got out of the car when I never saw it run away from the car. Oh there it is, dragging its hind leg and leaving a bloody trail. Actually squatted down to see if I could help it. (Ah yes, I save dying wild animals in my spare time. What did I think I could do, pop its leg back on, carry it home, and tell Mrs. Squirrel to make sure he stays off his feet (foot) for 6 weeks?) Needless to say, that one died. Probably. For the sake of the story and to make my title accurate, I am saying it passed.

Animal 4: Another freaking bird!

Driving to school. Bird flies down and never flies back up. Seriously? I just washed my car.

Rest in peace, animals I have killed. I do hope when we meet again, you can find it in your little animal hearts to forgive my driving ways. Even though you leaped out in front of me and it was impossible to stop in time. Perhaps your body provided nutrition to a scavenger and your death was not in vain. At any rate, you have made a lasting influence on me, and although your body doesn't needlessly roam around streets anymore, your memory will live on forever (ish) in the hearts of [all] the people that read this blog.

Amen. Abirds. Asquirrels. Araccoons.